


Horrible Histories of Modern British Motorways

by wildtrak



Series: NTA Prompt Fills [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Challenge Response, Crowley is thwarted by his own wiles again, Ficlet, Gen, Gratuitous book destruction, Humor, Post-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:41:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23815558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildtrak/pseuds/wildtrak
Summary: When Crowley does something truly unforgivable, Aziraphale comes up with the perfect punishment.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: NTA Prompt Fills [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1835815
Comments: 18
Kudos: 23
Collections: Name That Author Round One





	Horrible Histories of Modern British Motorways

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "Guess the author" game on the Good AUmens discord. Max wordcount = 500, rated T or less.

The M25 wasn’t Crowley’s only foray into highway engineering, he explains to Aziraphale on a merry evening four weeks after the world doesn’t end.

His other project was a lot less glamorous, he admits with the loudly hushed voice of someone Very Drunk trying to tell someone else Very Drunk something Very Important. 

The Soul Acquisition Taskforce in Hell had called it a “disappointing sequel in the same class as Blair Witch 2”, but Crowley still has a soft spot for the M6 Toll Road. It was the perfect opportunity for field testing a more modern method of securing souls. Crowley had codenamed it “Operation Trident”, because that sounded cooler than calling it a multi-pronged approach. 

He spent a cramped but entertaining few weeks aiding and abetting the environmental protesters who were so opposed to the construction efforts that they tunnelled deep underground and set up camp. The sour cloud of frustration emanating from the protester extraction team Her Majesty’s Police Force had dispatched was delightful, and Crowley took great pleasure in miracling new dead ends and hidden passageways in the underground maze. 

All good things must come to an end, though, and Crowley was looking forward to seeing the fruits of his labour in the disgruntled souls of countless motorists gouged by exorbitant tolls. The protesters were eventually cornered and construction resumed. 

“Here’s the best part, and you’re gonna love this—the whole surface of the road is made out of old books! Two and a half million of them!” Crowley opens his arms in an expansive gesture that nearly demolishes the old lamp on Aziraphale’s corner table. 

Aziraphale, who had been enjoying the story immensely until that moment goes supernaturally still. A wine bottle refills itself. 

“Crowley, dear, I must have misheard you. You said the surface of the road was made out of books, but that can’t possibly be true, can it.” 

“Er,” says Crowley.

“Because telling someone who has dedicated a not inconsiderable percentage of their immortal life to the preservation of the written word that you’ve perpetrated the mass destruction of countless books to literally pave the road to hell…” 

“Well, when you put it that way...” Crowley has enough self-preservation to look cowed.

“No, I shan’t speak to you until I have figured out how you can make it up to me.” 

“Angel, come on, it’s not like they were important books. Mostly that Mills and Boon nonsense,” Crowley tries. 

“Nonsense!!” Aziraphale yells and the windows all shudder in their frames. “No, not another word. Get out, foul fiend!” 

With that, Crowley is summarily ejected from the bookshop. He goes home to his flat, and wonders not for the first time, how many ways it’s possible to shoot yourself in the foot. 

* * *

Six weeks after the world doesn't end, Aziraphale shows up at Crowley's door holding a book. 

“I take it this is my penance?” Crowley takes the copy of “A Taste of the Forbidden”, holding it like it might explode. 

**Author's Note:**

> Events so bizarre you couldn't even make them up... [ The true story of the M6 Toll Road](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M6_Toll)


End file.
